Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
