It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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