Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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