Moan for me like Helen Keller
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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