WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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