You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
