I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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