She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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