belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
