Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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