I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
