I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize