I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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