the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
