i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
