As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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