Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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