It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
