Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
