I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
