I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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