My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
