I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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