I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
