I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
