I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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