I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
