I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
