she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize