I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its liver damage thursday
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