I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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