Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
