Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
