guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
