I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
porn star boner night. come get it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
