im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
