My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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