I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
