I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
