2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
