My Higher Power is John Stamos
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
