I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
