I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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