If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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