I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
