you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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