You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize