elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
