All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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