tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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