and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
