i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
