Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
