u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
