I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
