He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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