Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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