you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
