No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
