i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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