i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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