i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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