some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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