i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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