Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
