he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
