There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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