You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
