please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
