we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As shirtless as possible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
