I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize