i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
