Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
