I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
