if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
