It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
