You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
