I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
