Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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