Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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