Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found the puke drawer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
