yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
