I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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