I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize