dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize